Perhaps these are the words of some reader’s heart
I miss you. I miss our moments together in sweet solace, basking in your secret place, in the outporing of your love. I miss being soaked silly and drenched in your light, in your love, in your joy.
Somehow, between my decisions to choose something other than your will and the busyness that circumstances of life create, I lost it.
I lost our connection. I thought I could put you on hold while I would take another call. The only thing is, that call on the other line would never end. The distraction of offense and worldly lust drew me deeper in conversation. I saw your call waiting, but I wanted to win the argument, I wanted to prove my point. I wanted to hold on to title and wealth. The guy on the other end kept threatening me with lies, and I believed them, so I kept listening.
I took another call instead of that of Your own.
I once was in conversation with you. You would speak and I’d just listen. Every word from You gave me life, illuminated my being. Last I remember, You were telling me how much You loved me and how you were going to give me the desires of my heart. And just when you were about to tell me where to go and what to do, I told you to “hold on” as another call came through. I interrupted You and clicked over, even though You told me not to ever listen to another voice.
“You have won the biggest sweepstakes in the world,” a pre-recorded voice said. “Everything is yours, all the world.”
You had been telling me that You were going to send me the desires of my heart, in your time and in your way, the best way. But here was a call that promised those things right now. “Boats, cars, power, instant success! Everything! Stay on the line!” the liar said. “This is it! I have arrived,” I thought.
Deep down I knew that the things you had promised to give me would come from Your hand only, and not someone else. But that pre-recorded, robo-call voice was getting louder and louder, harder and harder to hang up on. “Keep holding until we connect you with a representative. Should be just a few minutes”. So I held on, as the voice listed everything that I had “won”: relationships, fame, importance, acceptance, and love from others. “They’re gonna really love you when you get that money” he said. My eyes grew wide as my imagination ran away with the thought. So I kept waiting, as I fantasized about what life would be like once the representative would send me that money!
While I was sitting there, talking to no one, you were on the other line, waiting for me to be in real conversation with you. But I stayed on the line, waiting for a representative that never came. I forsook You–the One who speaks only truth and life–for a pre-recorded lying voice.
Then, I looked up, and realized so much time had passed. I had missed so many real appointments, so many things that I was supposed to do. That date with the man you had for me–missed it. That interview with the company that you had planned for me to work for–missed it. Those friends that you chose for me–we were supposed to get together–but I missed them too.
So now I’m here, realizing that too much time has passed, and too much has been missed. As I peeked out my window, and I saw the sun going down. I saw that I had missed the entire day. I missed your promises and your blessings, the things that I had hoped and prayed for at one time.
But most of all I miss You.
I miss being your friend. I miss hanging out with you for hours on my floor. I miss that warm presence, that presence of peace, of healing, of love.
I remember I could talk to you about everything, anything. Now I am disconnected.
Life on my own is insufficient. It is bland, no matter how many hobbies I seek after. No matter how many tv shows I try to watch, my soul is severly bored and parched in a dry land.
I never got that sweepstakes. You had warned me. You only tried to protect me. The sweepstakes call took up more of my time than what I had planned. I thought I could take the liar’s call and still somehow be in conversation with you. I went so long listening, believing the lie, that I forgot that I had a connection with You. I forgot that you were waiting. Hours had gone by and my arms and ears were aching from the liar’s call. I was hungry. I was thirsty. I was tired.
Today, I am hungry, thirsty, and tired.
Where are you God?
Dear God, please hear me. I miss you and I’m so sorry. Please call back.